Most people can handle just about any amount and type of
work that comes their way. It’s not the work that puts them over the edge – its
conflict with coworkers!
work that comes their way. It’s not the work that puts them over the edge – its
conflict with coworkers!
Conflict in the workplace – or anywhere - is inevitable. Conflict
is part of being human. Some people are more comfortable with it than others,
and some people tend to be “conflict carriers”.
is part of being human. Some people are more comfortable with it than others,
and some people tend to be “conflict carriers”.
Ultimately, it’s part of a leader’s job to deal with
workplace conflict head-on. Ignoring it will only make matters worse, and will
eventually impact team productivity, results, employee satisfaction, and the leader’s
reputation.
workplace conflict head-on. Ignoring it will only make matters worse, and will
eventually impact team productivity, results, employee satisfaction, and the leader’s
reputation.
Here are some ways to manage workplace conflict, so that
little problems don’t fester into BIG problems:
little problems don’t fester into BIG problems:
1.
Make the ability to collaborate an expectation. Establishing
expectations start with the hiring process. Are you looking to hire lone wolfs,
or employees that can collaborate with others? If it’s the latter, than you
need to ask questions that uncover how well the candidate gets along with their
co-workers. Look for red flag answers like, “Well,
I have very high standards, and
sometimes get frustrated with others if they don’t meet those standards”. Which
often translates to: “I thought my
co-workers were idiots and we fought like cats and dogs.”
Make the ability to collaborate an expectation. Establishing
expectations start with the hiring process. Are you looking to hire lone wolfs,
or employees that can collaborate with others? If it’s the latter, than you
need to ask questions that uncover how well the candidate gets along with their
co-workers. Look for red flag answers like, “Well,
I have very high standards, and
sometimes get frustrated with others if they don’t meet those standards”. Which
often translates to: “I thought my
co-workers were idiots and we fought like cats and dogs.”
Make the ability to collaborate a job expectation for all
employees, reward it, and make it a condition for advancement.
employees, reward it, and make it a condition for advancement.
2.
Recognize the difference between healthy and destructive conflict.
Healthy conflict is making it OK to disagree, to debate the issue, challenge
the process, and speak up. Destructive conflict is when it gets personal, gets
in the way of working effectively, and has a negative impact on productivity,
innovation, and ultimately, results.
Recognize the difference between healthy and destructive conflict.
Healthy conflict is making it OK to disagree, to debate the issue, challenge
the process, and speak up. Destructive conflict is when it gets personal, gets
in the way of working effectively, and has a negative impact on productivity,
innovation, and ultimately, results.
3.
Don’t ignore it – look for little signs that can turn into big
problems. A manager needs to be having regular one-on-ones with all direct
reports, as well as regular team meetings. These are the opportunities to ask
questions, listen, and watch for subtle clues of unhealthy conflict. Most
employees won’t want to tattle of their co-workers or be seen as a complainer –
but you might pick up that they are going out of their way to work with another
employee. Point out your observation, and ask why.
Don’t ignore it – look for little signs that can turn into big
problems. A manager needs to be having regular one-on-ones with all direct
reports, as well as regular team meetings. These are the opportunities to ask
questions, listen, and watch for subtle clues of unhealthy conflict. Most
employees won’t want to tattle of their co-workers or be seen as a complainer –
but you might pick up that they are going out of their way to work with another
employee. Point out your observation, and ask why.
4. Be
a role model with your peers. Many managers don’t
understand the connection between how well they work with and talk about their
fellow managers, and how well their own employees work together. Employees
learn more from watching a manager’s behaviors than they do from what the
manager says.
a role model with your peers. Many managers don’t
understand the connection between how well they work with and talk about their
fellow managers, and how well their own employees work together. Employees
learn more from watching a manager’s behaviors than they do from what the
manager says.
5.
Learn a conflict resolution methodology. Most people shy away from
conflict because it’s often messy and painful. If you’re not good at something,
or you don’t like it, you’ll most likely avoid it.
Learn a conflict resolution methodology. Most people shy away from
conflict because it’s often messy and painful. If you’re not good at something,
or you don’t like it, you’ll most likely avoid it.
However, if you learn and practice a consistent approach,
you get good at it, and your world gets better as a result of dealing with it,
then you’ll be more likely to seek out opportunities to deal with conflict.
you get good at it, and your world gets better as a result of dealing with it,
then you’ll be more likely to seek out opportunities to deal with conflict.
I’d recommend taking a course in conflict management or
reading a good book, like Crucial
Conversations. A good course or book will give you a framework and
set of tools, which gives you the confidence to confront conflict in a
constructive, deliberate way. You’ll also be able to coach employees how to
handle their own conflicts.
reading a good book, like Crucial
Conversations. A good course or book will give you a framework and
set of tools, which gives you the confidence to confront conflict in a
constructive, deliberate way. You’ll also be able to coach employees how to
handle their own conflicts.
There are a lot of different conflict resolution models,
but most of them have the following 5 elements:
but most of them have the following 5 elements:
1. Stay
calm and dealing with the emotions first
calm and dealing with the emotions first
2. State
what is bothering you in a respectful and specific way
what is bothering you in a respectful and specific way
3. Listen
to the other person’s perspective for complete understanding
to the other person’s perspective for complete understanding
4. Problem
solving – look for root causes and win-win solutions
solving – look for root causes and win-win solutions
5. Agree
on actions to be taken, and making mutual commitments
on actions to be taken, and making mutual commitments
Any new skill takes time and practice before we get
comfortable with it. The important thing is to have the right intention – which
is to resolve the conflict, not to
punish the other person.
comfortable with it. The important thing is to have the right intention – which
is to resolve the conflict, not to
punish the other person.
6.
Help your employees with their conflicts. Once you’ve learned
how to handle your own conflicts, you can help your employees deal with their
conflicts. There are two ways to do this – teach them a methodology (or have
them learn the same way you did) so that they can handle on their own. In fact,
some managers and experts say this is the only approach a manager should take –
that is, they should never get
involved in a conflict between two of their employees. While I can see the
value of encouraging employees to handle their own conflicts without having to
“run to Dad or Mom”, I still think are times when a manager needs to step in.
Help your employees with their conflicts. Once you’ve learned
how to handle your own conflicts, you can help your employees deal with their
conflicts. There are two ways to do this – teach them a methodology (or have
them learn the same way you did) so that they can handle on their own. In fact,
some managers and experts say this is the only approach a manager should take –
that is, they should never get
involved in a conflict between two of their employees. While I can see the
value of encouraging employees to handle their own conflicts without having to
“run to Dad or Mom”, I still think are times when a manager needs to step in.
However – it’s important that the manager doesn’t get
caught in the middle by having individual conversations with each employee and
trying to mediate. Instead, the manager should sit down with both employees and
coach the employees through the conflict resolution process.
caught in the middle by having individual conversations with each employee and
trying to mediate. Instead, the manager should sit down with both employees and
coach the employees through the conflict resolution process.
Learn to proactively eliminate destructive conflict and
deal with it before it gets out of control and everyone will be able to focus
on their work, and not get caught up in unproductive and stressful workplace
drama.
deal with it before it gets out of control and everyone will be able to focus
on their work, and not get caught up in unproductive and stressful workplace
drama.
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