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    You are here Home » communication

    How Effective is Your Communication?

    Last updated on Sep 20, 2018 by Dan McCarthy · This post may contain affiliate links

    Guest
    post from David Hiatt:
    Lack of effective communication skills
    has done more to keep good people from being promoted into leadership roles
    than any other skill deficiency.  I hope
    I have your attention because in over 30 years of working with managers and
    organizations, my experience is that a lack of effective communication skills
    has kept very talented and skilled people from becoming leaders.  They have this great knowledge and skill set
    for the job requirements but communicating in a manner to get positive outcomes
    from others was sorely lacking.

    Communication is a basic human
    need.  Interacting with other humans has
    been the core of human progress throughout the ages.  Isolation and lack of human interaction will
    emotionally, mentally, and physically debilitate a person; as will ineffective
    conversations.  On the other end of the
    spectrum, when you communicate effectively and achieve more positive outcomes
    you enhance your sense of well-being.  I
    don’t know about you, but I know that I would prefer to think and feel better.  

    Just because two or more people are
    talking with each other does not necessarily mean they are communicating.
    Communication requires several key skills and components.  Key components include understanding yourself
    and others, creating agreements about the conversation, emotional involvement
    (or lack of), attitude and beliefs, and your comfort zone. Skills include
    listening, and questioning.  If you want
    to achieve more positive outcomes with co-workers, or family and friends the
    above skills and components will improve your communication.

    Understanding the other person can be
    key.  When you can identify the
    behavioral style or preferences of the other people with whom you communicate
    you are better able to adapt your message in such a way that the other people
    have a better chance of understanding you. 
    An example of this would be communicating with a Dominant Style who
    prefers, direct, to the point, task-oriented interactions and you want to
    chit-chat about the weather.  That
    Dominant person will not be engaged, and the odds of a positive outcome
    diminish. 

    Another way to understand the others
    with whom you communicate is to determine if they are being emotional,
    judgmental, or just exchanging information; and then being self-aware enough to
    make sure that you are nurturing and sharing information without judgement or
    emotion.  It is okay to care enough to
    want a positive outcome but if you attempt to communicate when simply reacting
    to your or the other person’s emotions it is not unusual to find yourself in a
    shouting match with negative outcomes.

    I have found that when you set goals and
    expectations for the important conversations you tend to get better results.
    What I mean is that the conversation should have an agreed upon purpose,
    confirmation of the time allotted, agreed upon agendas and expectations of
    people engaged in the conversation, and a goal or outcome at the end of the
    conversation.  When you add the component
    of a mutual agreement at the beginning of those important conversations you are
    better able to control the direction and therefore the outcome of the
    conversation.

    Emotional involvement is
    double-edged.  As I mentioned earlier,
    you want to care enough to accomplish a positive outcome at the end of the
    conversation, yet you should not be communicating emotionally.  If you are communicating from your emotional
    ego-state, you will not be able to think objectively or to listen clearly.  Emotions will always cloud your thinking and
    cause you to say or to respond in a manner that will result in a less than
    positive outcome.

    Your attitude and beliefs are
    intertwined with your self-concept and create your view of reality.  The important thing to remember is that the
    other person or people with whom you are communicating will not have the same
    view.  According to each person’s view,
    they are right.  Whatever beliefs you
    were taught or acquired throughout your life will become your definition of
    normal.  Your subconscious’ job is to
    keep you normal, whatever normal means to you. 
    Do a self-assessment of your attitudes and beliefs and decide which are
    still appropriate as an adult and which are hurting your efforts to be a more
    effective communicator.

    Listening is a skill that much has been
    written about.  I urge you to read as
    much as you can on listening skills.  My
    experience has taught me that listening is much more than just looking at the
    other person and nodding my head! I must make sure that I am understanding what
    they are saying and the intention behind it. 
    This means the good listening skills should include good questioning
    skills. When you are unsure of what the other person is asking or saying you
    must ask them to clarify.  Be
    careful.  Your belief that it is rude to
    ask so many questions may prevent you from asking the key questions for real
    understanding, which, by the way, is what real listening is about.

    David Hiatt is author of FROM THE
    BOARDROOM TO THE LIVING ROOM:  Communicate With Skill For Positive
    Outcomes.
    After 10 years of owning and operating a successful Sandler
    Training center, he was recruited by Sandler corporate to handle the bulk of
    national and international training through the Global Accounts division. With
    a BA and Masters in Communications, he is a passionate and energetic program
    leader who is truly concerned with helping others to grow, develop, and
    communicate.
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