Most people can
handle just about any amount and type of work that comes their way. It’s not
the work that puts them over the edge – its conflict with coworkers!
handle just about any amount and type of work that comes their way. It’s not
the work that puts them over the edge – its conflict with coworkers!
Conflict in the
workplace – or anywhere - is inevitable. Conflict is part of being human. Some
people are more comfortable with it than others, and some people tend to be
“conflict carriers”.
workplace – or anywhere - is inevitable. Conflict is part of being human. Some
people are more comfortable with it than others, and some people tend to be
“conflict carriers”.
Ultimately,
it’s part of a manager’s job to deal with workplace conflict head-on. Ignoring
it will only make matters worse, and will eventually impact team productivity,
results, employee satisfaction, and the manager’s reputation.
it’s part of a manager’s job to deal with workplace conflict head-on. Ignoring
it will only make matters worse, and will eventually impact team productivity,
results, employee satisfaction, and the manager’s reputation.
Here are some
ways to manage workplace conflict, so that little problems don’t fester into
BIG problems:
ways to manage workplace conflict, so that little problems don’t fester into
BIG problems:
1. Make the ability to collaborate an expectation. Establishing expectations start with
the hiring process. Are you looking to hire lone wolfs, or employees that can
collaborate with others? If it’s the latter, than you need to ask questions
that uncover how well the candidate gets along with their co-workers. Look for
red flag answers like, “Well, I have very
high standards, and sometimes get
frustrated with others if they don’t meet those standards”. Which often
translates to: “I thought my co-workers
were idiots and we fought like cats and dogs.”
the hiring process. Are you looking to hire lone wolfs, or employees that can
collaborate with others? If it’s the latter, than you need to ask questions
that uncover how well the candidate gets along with their co-workers. Look for
red flag answers like, “Well, I have very
high standards, and sometimes get
frustrated with others if they don’t meet those standards”. Which often
translates to: “I thought my co-workers
were idiots and we fought like cats and dogs.”
Make the
ability to collaborate a job expectation for all employees, reward it, and make
it a condition for advancement.
ability to collaborate a job expectation for all employees, reward it, and make
it a condition for advancement.
2. Recognize the difference between
healthy and destructive conflict.
Healthy conflict is making it OK to disagree, to debate the issue, challenge
the process, and speak up. Destructive conflict is when it gets personal, gets
in the way of working effectively, and has a negative impact on productivity,
innovation, and ultimately, results.
healthy and destructive conflict.
Healthy conflict is making it OK to disagree, to debate the issue, challenge
the process, and speak up. Destructive conflict is when it gets personal, gets
in the way of working effectively, and has a negative impact on productivity,
innovation, and ultimately, results.
3. Don’t ignore it – look for little signs that can turn
into big problems. A manager needs to be having regular one-on-ones with all
direct reports, as well as regular team meetings. These are the opportunities
to ask questions, listen, and watch for subtle clues of unhealthy conflict.
Most employees won’t want to tattle of their co-workers or be seen as a
complainer – but you might pick up that they are going out of their way to work
with another employee. Point out your observation, and ask why.
into big problems. A manager needs to be having regular one-on-ones with all
direct reports, as well as regular team meetings. These are the opportunities
to ask questions, listen, and watch for subtle clues of unhealthy conflict.
Most employees won’t want to tattle of their co-workers or be seen as a
complainer – but you might pick up that they are going out of their way to work
with another employee. Point out your observation, and ask why.
4. Be a role model with your peers. Many managers don’t understand the
connection between how well they work with and talk about their fellow
managers, and how well their own employees work together. Employees learn more
from watching a manager’s behaviors than they do from what the manager says.
connection between how well they work with and talk about their fellow
managers, and how well their own employees work together. Employees learn more
from watching a manager’s behaviors than they do from what the manager says.
5. Learn a conflict resolution
methodology. Most
people shy away from conflict because it’s often messy and painful. If you’re
not good at something, or you don’t like it, you’ll most likely avoid it.
methodology. Most
people shy away from conflict because it’s often messy and painful. If you’re
not good at something, or you don’t like it, you’ll most likely avoid it.
However, if you
learn and practice a consistent approach, you get good at it, and your world
gets better as a result of dealing with it, then you’ll be more likely to seek
out opportunities to deal with conflict.
learn and practice a consistent approach, you get good at it, and your world
gets better as a result of dealing with it, then you’ll be more likely to seek
out opportunities to deal with conflict.
I’d recommend
taking a course in conflict management or reading a good book, like Crucial Conversations. A good course or book will give you a
framework and set of tools, which gives you the confidence to confront conflict
in a constructive, deliberate way. You’ll also be able to coach employees how
to handle their own conflicts.
taking a course in conflict management or reading a good book, like Crucial Conversations. A good course or book will give you a
framework and set of tools, which gives you the confidence to confront conflict
in a constructive, deliberate way. You’ll also be able to coach employees how
to handle their own conflicts.
There are a lot
of different conflict resolution models, but most of them have the following 5 elements:
of different conflict resolution models, but most of them have the following 5 elements:
1. Stay calm and dealing with the
emotions first
emotions first
2. State what is bothering you in a
respectful and specific way
respectful and specific way
3. Listen to the other person’s
perspective for complete understanding
perspective for complete understanding
4. Problem solving – look for root
causes and win-win solutions
causes and win-win solutions
5. Agree on actions to be taken, and
making mutual commitments
making mutual commitments
Any new skill
takes time and practice before we get comfortable with it. The important thing
is to have the right intention – which is to resolve the conflict, not to punish the other person.
takes time and practice before we get comfortable with it. The important thing
is to have the right intention – which is to resolve the conflict, not to punish the other person.
6. Help your employees with their
conflicts. Once you’ve
learned how to handle your own conflicts, you can help your employees deal with
their conflicts. There are two ways to do this – teach them a methodology (or
have them learn the same way you did) so that they can handle on their own. In
fact, some managers and experts say this is the only approach a manager should
take – that is, they should never get
involved in a conflict between two of their employees. While I can see the
value of encouraging employees to handle their own conflicts without having to
“run to Dad or Mom”, I still think are times when a manager needs to step in.
conflicts. Once you’ve
learned how to handle your own conflicts, you can help your employees deal with
their conflicts. There are two ways to do this – teach them a methodology (or
have them learn the same way you did) so that they can handle on their own. In
fact, some managers and experts say this is the only approach a manager should
take – that is, they should never get
involved in a conflict between two of their employees. While I can see the
value of encouraging employees to handle their own conflicts without having to
“run to Dad or Mom”, I still think are times when a manager needs to step in.
However – it’s
important that the manager doesn’t get caught in the middle by having
individual conversations with each employee and trying to mediate. Instead, the
manager should sit down with both employees and coach the employees through the
conflict resolution process.
important that the manager doesn’t get caught in the middle by having
individual conversations with each employee and trying to mediate. Instead, the
manager should sit down with both employees and coach the employees through the
conflict resolution process.
Learn to
proactively eliminate destructive conflict and deal with it before it gets out
of control and everyone will be able to focus on their work, and not get caught
up in unproductive and stressful workplace drama.
proactively eliminate destructive conflict and deal with it before it gets out
of control and everyone will be able to focus on their work, and not get caught
up in unproductive and stressful workplace drama.
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