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    You are here Home » coaching

    Before you can Lead Others, you need to Manage Yourself.

    Last updated on Sep 29, 2015 by Dan McCarthy · This post may contain affiliate links

    This post recently appeared
    in
    SmartBlog on Leadership:

    Before you can earn the right to lead others, you need to
    “manage” yourself.

    I know I’m not the first to use that phrase. Steven Covey wrote
    about it
    , and it’s
    taught
    in our leadership program at the University of New Hampshire. 

    It’s more than just another nice, pithy little leadership motto.
    It’s so true! But what exactly does it mean?

    In plain language and practical application, it means that
    no one is going to follow or be inspired by someone who is an emotional train
    wreck, a red hot mess, and can’t punch themselves out of a paper bag without
    giving themselves a black eye.

    In addition to the mixed metaphors, here’s what managing
    yourself means:

    1. You know who you
    are and how you are perceived by others.
    We leadership development geeks
    call this “awareness of self”. It’s not as easy as it sounds - most people have
    “blind spots” as to how they are perceived by others. We overestimate our
    strengths and expect to be judged by our good intentions, not by how we are really
    behaving and if we have insulting the hell out of somebody.


    In order to improve our self-awareness, we need to stand in
    the mirror and see ourselves as others see us, not as how we see ourselves or
    want to be seen. That can only happen with
    feedback.
    In order to get feedback, we need to seek it out, respond non-defensively and
    with gratitude, and then actually do something about it.

    2. Develop your
    Emotional Intelligence.
    Daniel Goleman nailed it in his classic 1998 HRB
    article “
    What Makes a Leader”.
    When he examined the elements of emotional intelligence (self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and
    social skill) he found a direct correlation with leadership effectiveness and
    business results.

    I’d recommend taking an
    emotional intelligence (EI) self-assessment, or even better, an EI 360
    assessment, where you ask others to rate your behaviors. The good news is, EI,
    unlike IQ, can be improved with understanding and practice.

    3. “Control” your emotions. Another way of saying self-regulation. Controlling your
    emotions doesn’t mean not being emotional – it means not letting the limbic
    part of your brain take over the rest of you and cause you to go on psychotic
    rampages. For more on how to maintain your compose, see
    last
    month’s Brief.

    4. Develop a set of guiding principles, or core values
    and walk the talk.
    Core values could
    include integrity, honesty, credibility, respect for others, and humility. Great
    leaders are crystal clear on their values and use their values guide their behaviors
    and decisions. With a clear and consistent set of values, or guiding
    principles, leaders demonstrate consistently in their behavior and others
    understand where they are coming from and why.

    5. Balance. By
    balance, I don’t just mean “work and life balance”. I mean taking care of
    yourself – your health, practicing mindfulness, managing your stress levels,
    getting enough sleep and exercise, and building meaningful  relationships. We know this when we see it –
    we say “you know, that Cheryl really has her %$#& together.” When you are
    out of balance, it impacts your behavior, which impacts your ability to lead
    others.

    So if you want to inspire,
    motivate, set direction, and make a difference in the lives of others – to lead – great! But you first need to
    get your own %&*$ together and learn to manage yourself.

    « What You Need to Master Work/Life Balance
    Are You a Candid Leader? 4 Ways to Build Clarity, Trust, and Competitive Advantage »
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