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    You are here Home » coaching

    Why Leaders Don’t Listen

    Last updated on Oct 23, 2014 by Dan McCarthy · This post may contain affiliate links

    Guest post by Marcia Reynolds, PsyD


    “Leaders
    boldly go where no one has ever gone before.” Is this true? Rarely. The more successful a leader
    becomes, the less likely he or she chooses to step into the unknown. Although I
    have seen the words, “Embracing ambiguity,” on the list of leadership
    competencies for many companies worldwide, I have never met an executive who
    loves not knowing the answers.


    The problem is
    related to biology, not personality. The brain’s primary function is to protect
    you, but your brain doesn’t differentiate external things from internal ego.
    Whatever has helped you create your success – your business savvy, your great
    ideas, your broad knowledge of the marketplace – is what you will dearly
    protect from threats.


    You may have
    started your career happily fumbling up the ladder, but the more recognition
    and successes you gain, the more you have to lose by accepting that other ideas
    could be better today. As Steve Tobak says in the post
    Why Leaders
    Resist Change
    , “…those who have the greatest impact on corporate
    performance – not to mention the livelihoods and investment portfolios of
    millions of employees and shareholders – are the most resistant to feedback and
    change.”


    Nobel laureate
    Daniel Kahneman explains in his book,
    Thinking Fast and Slow, we don’t embrace ambiguity
    because of  “…our excessive confidence in
    what we believe we know, and our apparent inability to acknowledge the full
    extent of our ignorance and the uncertainty of the world we live in.”


    Leaders want
    to feel confident about their choices, to have the answers under pressure, and
    to rightly respond to adversity. Most leaders want to be boldly decisive. This desire to feel confident in what you
    know makes it harder to listen to others and accept new ideas.


    Having a sense of confidence in who you are is good for yourself
    and others around you. Feeling absolute confidence in what you know is
    risky. In this crazy, complex, fast changing, and full-of-surprises world, it
    is impossible to have all the answers. In fact, the best answers are around
    you, in the minds of others and in the collective conversations, not inside of
    you in your limited memory.


    As a human,
    your brain cannot see all possibilities. Your experience is deficient, your
    intuition is fallible, and your intelligence is victim to your unreliable
    emotions and instincts.


    Leaders
    have to have the courage to feel vacant and vulnerable.


    An open mind
    is willing to listen, learn, and grow. As Malcolm Gladwell said in
    Blink,
    “We need to accept our ignorance and say ‘I don’t know’ more often.” The more
    you feel confident saying, “I don’t know, let’s talk about it,” the more
    clarity you will gain about the best options for moving forward in the future.


    Your best
    decisions will be made in conversations.


    No matter how
    smart you are, thinking through a complex issue can rarely be done well in
    isolated analysis. As described in
    The Discomfort Zone: How Leaders Turn
    Difficult Conversations into Breakthroughs
    , for the same reason you
    can’t tickle yourself, you can’t fully explore your own thoughts and attack
    your own ideas. Your brain will block and desensitize you to self-imposed
    exploration. When someone else adeptly challenges your reasoning and dares to
    ask you a question that penetrates your protective frames, your consciousness
    can go to new depths. You might get defensive, but if you take in the challenge
    your brain will synthesize the new insight into a new awareness for you. You
    might even laugh at seeing what you should have known all along.


    In other
    words, you need others to initiate the interaction that reveals your blind
    spots and helps you recognize the value of completely new ideas. The brain
    needs to be surprised. The greater the surprise you feel when you discover a
    blind spot or new idea, the more likely you will have a breakthrough in
    perception. You have had these surprises before when you experienced an “Aha”
    moment.


    Blind spots hurt you when you don’t consider their existence when making
    an important decision or taking an action that will impact others.
    You instinctively know
    this because after you make a mistake, you admit you should have known better.
    Or you blame something else.


    The most long lasting changes in your thinking
    occur when you allow others to help you explore your thought processes and you
    trust them enough to feel uncomfortable with their questions. 


    Do you have a
    friend you respect and trust enough to allow him or her to question your
    judgment? Do you know someone who will be honest and straight with you? If not,
    you need to find someone. In the meantime, hire a qualified coach. This deep,
    enlightening and gratifying conversation is coaching at its best.


    Find good ideas and energize people by building on what they know instead
    of
    exhausting them with what you know.


    If you are a
    leader looking to empower and develop others, spend more time asking questions
    than giving advice. A good question can help both them and you make the right
    decisions for the right reasons.


    Listen so you get good ideas to
    build on. Listen so people feel cared for and respected, which inspires them to
    learn, grow, and commit to you and the company. If you want to grow your mind
    and the minds of the people who look up to you, embrace the mystery of not
    knowing.


    About the
    Author:

    Dr. Marcia Reynolds has over 30 years working with global corporations in
    executive coaching and leadership training. She is the author of 3 books, Outsmart Your Brain, Wander Woman (for
    high-achieving women) and her new book, The Discomfort Zone. You can read
    more at her website, OutsmartYourBrain.com.
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