post from Steve Arneson:
an executive coach, I’ve worked with hundreds of people in all types of
organizations. Each person has their own story, of course – a unique narrative
that includes their skills, experience, strengths, weaknesses, and
relationships. While every engagement is
different, these people all have one thing in common; their boss always plays a
central role in the story. That’s why my
first coaching question is “what does
your boss really want from you?”
some of my clients have great bosses, so we discuss the relationship briefly
and move on. However, a lot of my
clients don’t work for a great boss. They’re
not clear about his views, or don’t understand what she really wants… and all
of this is impacting their engagement, performance, and happiness.
talking about the unknown expectations; those hidden motives that may drive your
boss’s behavior – the real reasons behind her agenda. If you don’t understand what the boss wants
from you, you’ll likely be worried, frustrated, and disengaged; you certainly
won’t be delivering your best work.
wish there was an easy solution to this problem. The first thing my clients
want to know is: “how do I change my boss?” Do you know what I tell them? Forget about changing him. That’s right, the hard truth is that all of
your efforts to improve, fix, or convert your boss won’t work. The solution is changing your own approach to
interacting with the boss; the transformation has to be one you undergo… in
your awareness, attitude, and behaviors.
believe the secret ingredient to improving your boss relationship is insight. Insight allows you to understand what makes
your boss tick – his underlying motives.
To help you recognize his motives, I’ve developed 10 questions that will
give you the insight you need to figure out where your boss is coming from; I
call this first step in the process “study
your boss”. The resulting insights
will help you explain his work style, behaviors and motives.
you must look objectively at the relationship from the boss’s vantage point; I
call this step “consider the boss’s
perspective”. In this step, I’ve
created five questions for you to answer… does the boss view you as an asset or
a liability? Finally, you have to turn all
of this insight into self-awareness and behavior change. In short, you have to take responsibility for the relationship. If the first two steps are about gaining
awareness, this step is about turning those insights into action. In this final step, you have to adjust your
attitude, commit to modifying your boss story, and adopt new behaviors designed
to improve your relationship with the boss.
with your boss matters – a lot. It’s the
most critical factor in your engagement and enjoyment of the job. If you have a great boss, he’s motivating you
to work hard, develop your skills, and thrive in the role. However, if you have a bad boss, he’s likely
the cause of your frustration, disengagement and stress, and he probably isn’t
getting the best out of you.
the catalyst for improving this relationship. You don’t have to be a victim –
you can proactively change your attitude and behaviors. Start by studying your boss to really
understand his motives. Next, take an honest look at how she sees you, and be
prepared to incorporate that perspective into your plans for change. Then, armed with these reflections, rewrite your
story and adjust your attitude. Try new
behaviors, and stop destructive ones. The point is to figure out what your boss
really wants from you, and try harder to make it all work.
relationship with your boss. But you
have to make it happen. I know you want
the boss to change, but I wouldn’t sit around waiting for that miracle. He’s not going to change or adapt to your
style; you need to adjust to his. You must
look at this relationship differently, and take responsibility for improving
it. You can make a more enjoyable
work experience for yourself, one where you’re working more productively with
the boss. But you have to put in the
work, and really take ownership of the relationship. If you follow this simple process, I’m
confident you can a build a better relationship with your boss!
Your Boss Really Wants From You, author Steve Arneson shows readers how to find the answers to fifteen
essential questions that will help to understand their boss’s motives. The
first part, “Study Your Boss,” features ten questions that will help readers
figure out their boss’s leadership style, goals, work relationships, and other
factors that drive his or her behavior. Given that understanding, readers move on
to five questions that reveal “How Your Boss Sees You.” Finally, readers bring
it all together and develop a plan to “Take Responsibility for the
Relationship.” Vivid real-world examples demonstrate Arneson’s advice in action
and show clearly how this process can help readers to gain a more meaningful,
productive, and enjoyable work life.